Dear Lord, I am feeling really awful lately. A lot has been going on and I'm so confused as to what to do. I love, absolutely love my husband, but he has done some wrong. I've also done wrong, not purposely at all. But I've made terrible decisions in front of my beautiful son. I've put my son through a lot that I don't know if it's fixable. My son is my life and he doesn't want to be near me, come to my house, nothing. He has seen me mmake horrible decisions for partners and I unfortunately got caught up in whatever those users were doing. My poor child has seen me fall in front of him, scared to death. I can't take that stuff back. I never intentionally wanted any of what him and I went through to go through but I wasn't smart enough to know when to not let people in.I wanted to believe they were good. Just about all of them were not. Not good for me or my son. My son has seen me go from creating my own business, happy as ever, super successful, independently, to living really poor struggling to have food in the fridge. I made quite a few bad decisions but always always wanted my son happy & tried to give him everything I possibly can. He won't come to my house anymore. It's a joint custody but his father has a lot more than me so naturally a 13 yrs old boy would want that. But God, Lord, it's BREAKING MY HEART! I've never felt so alone & disappointing in all my life. I married a criminal -who actually treated me like gold when he was sober. But I didn't know of his like 5 page record. So everything is a mess. I don't know what to do? My heart is broken, my son's heart is broken, most of my family lives far away. My husband is in jail, going on 3 years (we got married & the US Marshalls came to get him while I dropped mmy son off at school. We only hadabout 5 month's together. I'm so confused :(.I feel alone all the time. I wish I was dead most of the time, but I know my son needs me but I'm so incredibly hurt & sad inside everyday. Please help me repair my relationship with my son & feel "normal" without having some sort of mood stabilizer. I'm getting to where I don't want to live anymore. Please help. And my wrists & hands & arms can we please get rid of this! Please
Received: January 19, 2017